‘Work hard, play hard’ is advice that nearly everyone has been given or followed at some point. In my sessions, I have met many people who apply this philosophy but are still stressed and unhappy. To cope with the latter, they often develop bad, unhealthy habits.
I believe that we need to re-imagine ‘play’, both individually and as a society. I am very passionate about this area since I regularly see the negative impact that a lack of ‘healthy’ play can have and, conversely, the incredibly positive effects of changing a person’s approach to it. I cover this topic in more detail in my book The Play Paradigm, but you’ll find lots you can apply here.
You Were Born Playful
Play is central to our development as children and is encouraged as a key way to learn. Born with no beliefs or prejudices (yes, someone puts these in!), this is the time when our minds are most accessible, open, and malleable. It is also a time when we can experience the purest type of joy and happiness, often through play. Something as simple as playing with an old box or a balloon can produce the most incredible mindful focus and feelings of unreserved joy.
Losing Our Way With Play
But then something happens… ‘playtime’s over!’
We even use that phrase – what was once the focus of our learning and a source of happiness becomes almost a dirty word. Someone who is not serious about something is said to be ‘playing around’ or ‘just playing at it’. Socially and culturally, ‘growing up’ often becomes defined by minimising or eliminating play. One popular holy book even describes the virtue of ‘putting away childish things’. This programming naturally prepares us for work, which then becomes the focus of adult life. If you work hard enough, you can have some ‘play’ – if you have enough time or energy left after all that work.
Play Is Not Leisure
Many people make the mistake of having a narrow definition of play and a dysfunctional relationship with the concept itself. What most people would think of as play is in fact’ leisure’ – activities that are not work, but at the same time do not produce that pure feeling of child-like joy. If you don’t know what I mean by this feeling, think about a time when you did something that entirely focused your attention. You got utterly lost in the moment; time flew by, and you were as happy as that child with a balloon. Afterwards, you felt rested and just somehow better for the experience. I will use the ‘s’ word here, people – play feels good for your soul! If you still can’t remember a recent time you felt like this, you must continue reading because play is essential.
The Role of Play in Life Balance
The Life Balance Wheel is a variation of the ‘wheel of life’, and all of the segments are important, as is their relative harmony. However, the ‘Magic Three’ of Work, Play and Leisure are worth focusing on when developing strategies to function healthily and happily in the modern world.
I’ve worked with many ‘burned out’ executives who have asked for my help to make positive changes in their lives. When we perform the Life Balance Wheel analysis, it usually shows lots of work (no surprise!) and a good amount of leisure but very little or no positive play. For example, the sport of golf might be play for some people, but for others, it’s leisure. Reading, for some people, is leisure, while others find it play. Different folks, different strokes, and all that.
Overcoming Negative Programming Around Play
Following the example of the burned-out executive, when the idea of exploring and incorporating more play is discussed, there is often initial resistance. They will say they must ‘focus on work’ or ‘don’t have time for play’. This is the negative programming of not seeing the actual value of play. We make time for what’s important, so as an adult, you are told play is no longer as valuable, so you do not prioritise it. The result is usually a sense of guilt around making time for their own play – surely they should be working. Anyone familiar with my approach will know I don’t like ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ – the less you use them in your thinking, the happier and more balanced you will generally be.
Prioritising Play: A Leap of Faith
My goal with this type of person is to help them gain a fresh perspective on play and challenge their beliefs around the concept. This helps them re-appraise the value of play. It feels like a leap of faith, but I can tell you personally and from my experience of working with thousands of people that it’s fantastic on the other side, so make the jump!
The real magic is that when you start to prioritise play, exploring and expanding it in your life, all the other areas of the Life Balance Wheel start to improve. It is counter-intuitive at times, but it really works. For example, people might minimise their play because they say they spend more time with their family. However, if they are not getting the right amount of their own play or ‘me time’, then this time with the family might foster resentment and result in them snapping at their kids or being otherwise disagreeable.
Once a person balances their life better and takes a healthier approach to play, almost every other aspect of their life improves, too. Ironically, the very thing they thought they were doing best by focusing on – work – also improves as they are more motivated and productive.
Ignore Play at Your Peril
A great deal of my change work is helping people break bad habits like smoking, drinking and other substance use. These people often have the same unhealthy relationship with play as described above. In this sense, the bad habits have become their ‘go-to’ form of play – their way to reduce stress or get ‘me time’. It goes without saying that if you try and nourish your soul with ciggies, booze and drugs, it probably won’t end happily. That’s why I encourage clients to explore other ways to reduce stress and explore positive, healthy play. This replaces the negative play they had previously become ‘stuck’ with as a habit.
The Process of Re-Imagining Play
I always say ‘re-imagining’ because exploring play means using your imagination. You must find YOUR play. No one can prescribe it for you, and it has to satisfy no one except you. It does not have to fit your ‘image’; it just has to create that child-like feeling of absorption and joy. It also has to be positive and healthy. I’ve seen people spend more time reading, exploring a new hobby, building Lego, learning a martial art, and even taking up bird watching. A big world of experiences is waiting out there, so get experimenting!
For practical tips and guidance on expanding play in your life and work, explore my book The Play Paradigm, available on Amazon in Kindle, Paperback, and Audible Audiobook formats. Re-imagine your play, and you might just find new gears in your life!